Women and Children First

Today, while cleaning out my bookshelves, I had an interesting revelation. In my preteens, I preferred fantasy; in my twenties, theory;  in my thirties, practice. Now, approaching my forties, with very little time to read, I spend most of my time in a reality outside of books. It reminds me of the Hindu stages of life:  Brahmachari (student – ages 12-24), Grihasta (Householder – ages 24-48) Vanaprasta (semi-retirement – 48-72), and Sannyasi (full-retirement -beyond 72) .

However, as one who started having kids in my 30s, I won’t be in semi-retirement from the parenting life until my 60s! Makes me wonder whether I should have started earlier. But then again, I would have missed all that wonderful time reading political theory! Aahh, those were the days….

This week I had the pleasure of having 2 visitors, Esther’s cousins, 4 and 2 1/2 years old. Having three kids was total chaos but also exhilarating! When they left this morning, I experienced the same sadness I remember when I would be left off for the plane or bus going back to college when my younger siblings were still at home. The profound quiet following constant chaos is quite sad, actually. There is a certain adrenaline rush that goes with juggling multiple children of different ages, not unlike the high after an arduous group bike ride or a night of constant emergency as a hospital chaplain. (After a summer of chaplaincy training at Mass General 1998 (99?) I could see the allure of being an emergency room doctor or nurse or an EMT.) Pushing beyond your limits is fun!

Of course it was also nice to pass my neices back to their grandparents this morning and have some time to sit down with my blog, but I must remember the high they gave me. It’s easy to say those parents with lots of kids must be crazy, but maybe, just maybe, the joys really do outweigh the difficulties.

Just when I think I have time to write a brief entry into my blog, I hear a little voice on the monitor as Esther wakes from her nap. I was expecting her to sleep another 1/2 hour. For those of you wondering why I don’t blog more, here’s why: Babies don’t ever behave as we wish they would and they get in the way of our “adult work.” They are new human beings doing just as they are intended to. That is, reminding their parents that when you’re a parent your life is not your own. Waking, sleeping, reading, writing, exercising, eating, and more must happen when baby is not in need of care. Fortunately, Esther wakes up slowly, chatting with “Bear” and “Cowbunny” for a few minutes before she started calling for mom. Oh…. there she goes! Maaaaammmmmmmaaaaa!

Parenting teaches patience, or so I’ve been told. But gardening seems to be a better teacher. Every day I go out and look at my garden to see what is new. I thrill at the new buds, leaves, and flowers. But I also find myself wishing certain things were farther along. I end up pruning at inappropriate times, overwatering, and picking unripe strawberries. Gardening is an art form. Letting the garden come into its own is a lot like trusting that our children will come out ok if we do our best (hopefully even if we don’t). Yet, even now, at 5:00 a.m. in the pouring rain, I’m wishing the rain would stop so I can get my hands dirty. Patience, Rachele, Patience!

Global Climate Change has brought Boston a lot of rain this spring. Now that I’ve started getting into gardening, rain has become a blessing rather than a nuisance. It’s so wonderful to be able to know that with each little raindrop, my new seedlings are growing roots and leaves. Being a mother of a human being is the joy of my life, but I also feel motherly instincts towards my plants. Yesterday I finished my “bean pole harp.” I can’t wait to see the peas and beans gently twining their way up the taut strings. They’re so cute!

I recently created a chart of my week so I can see how much time I actually have. Most often it seems that all I do is childcare, but when I look at my newly prepped vegetable garden, the piles of branches from recently pruned trees, bags of leaves, and newly planted flowers, I know that I have done a lot. Gardening during nap time is becoming my speciality. My next goal is to find other projects that can be done during the 1 to 2 hour time slots available throughout the day (blog entries among them!)