Rant on Shame

I turned 47 today. I woke up thinking about the pros and cons of my full-time job – Mom – when instead, what ran through my head, where all things I’m embarrassed about. Here’s the list, as stupid and meaningless as it is:

I’m embarrassed to be a mom among all the nannies in the pick-up line at school.

I’m embarrassed to not clean my own house when Barbara Ehrenreich does — and that I secretly covet a team like Downton Abbey.

I’m embarrassed that I love to tend my own garden when other school families hire this out.

I’m embarrassed that I’ve never had a pedicure because I can’t imagine having a stranger sand my callouses. (Beside the fact I can’t stand the chemicals and working conditions in those shops.)

I’m embarrassed that I have more hair on my legs than my blond husband.

I’m embarrassed that my chosen career — ordained minister — is no longer relevant since I became a Jew.

I’m embarrassed that my graduate degree, which took as many years of study and unpaid internships as Law or Medicine, only has the title of MDiv. (This is because when Law and Medicine changed from a Bachelor to a Doctor degree title there already was a Doctor of Ministry degree so the initial degree was given the title of Master!)

I’m embarrassed that after all those years of soul searching and buckets of tears cried, I’m still not the enlightened being I aspire to be.

I’m embarrassed that I can’t handle two school age children, when I know many calm and happy mothers of five or more! Some who even homeschool.

I’m embarrassed that my body, which would look beautiful in a Renaissance nude painting, doesn’t look good in modern clothing.

I embarrassed that I’m clueless of popular music and culture, even though I really couldn’t give a damn.

Looking at this list makes me laugh. So many silly things to be embarrassed about. A new year, a new leaf, so the saying goes.